I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I want a musical about memes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think my moral compass just broke
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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