The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
