epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
