I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
