THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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