Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
