i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize