I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize