i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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