Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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