so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
