Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
