Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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