What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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