I hate your face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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