i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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