I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
