oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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