All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
