Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize