I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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