Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize