Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
