Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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