yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
