i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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