i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
