I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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