I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
