her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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