You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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