The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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