you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
