And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize