Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
