Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
