Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
