I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My vagina is officially offended.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize