all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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