wanna go halves on a baby?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
