I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
