He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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