I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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