Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
