No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
