the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
