I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
