Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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