you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dick very happy bro
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
