rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
