She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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