im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
