Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize