It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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