..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im holly from the hills drunk
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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