I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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