There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
this will be a night to untag.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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