she was so not down for the gang bang
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
