I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
