Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
