you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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