She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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