saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
