Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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