I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
