whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
