I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
