You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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