I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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