I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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